New Linkin Park video :)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sgycukafqQ]

Linkin Park – What I’ve Done 

In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For What I’ve Done

I start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.
(Na na na na, na na na na, na na na na, na na na na)
What I’ve done.

Forgiving What I’ve Done.
(Na na na na, na na na na, na na na na, na na na na)
Forgiving What I’ve Done

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Colorgenics at http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

You are longing for a little love and tenderness. At present you are feeling very sensitive and need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. You don’t need any further stresses, strains or arguments so take a deep breath and relax.

You are feeling very vulnerable at this time. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction – business wise, private-life wise, everything. You need some emotional security and an environment which could possibly provide fewer problems, but the way you are feeling you can’t be bothered even to make the effort.

For some time now it would seem that you have been frustrated and emotionally inhibited. The circumstances which appear to be beyond your control are making it very difficult for you to develop the detached emotional attitude that you seek.

All the distress and agitation is the result of attempting to avoid any form of stimulation or excitement. The situation in which you find yourself at this time is one of hostility and therefore you are under considerable pressure. You are very irritable and prone to angry outbursts. You are in a mental quandary and you could be experiencing physical problems.You are very distressed by the apparent hostility of everyone around you and you feel coerced and subjected to intolerable pressures. You are resentful of what you regard as unreasonable demands on you but the situation is such that you feel powerless to control it and at this time you just don’t know ‘which way to turn’.

You are worn out – suffering from what has been described as ‘burnout’ and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of ‘Never Never Land’ – an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. Now is the time to take time-out – to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves.

very true……….

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Beautiful things

It had been close to 2 months since I last wrote in this blog. In between there were ups and downs – I switched teams (a more demanding boss who is biased towards the sleeping partner), finished off my salary (literally), got myself emotionally-involved…

I told him that I would wait and see how long his patience could last with me. *laughs* You only lasted a couple of months before you started all the shit again.  Sleeping to 6.45pm? My foot. My knowledge told me different story and proven right. Ever since you came back from UK, sleeping partner slept over at least 4 times. You will stare at her boobs and deliberately sit opposite her in meetings so that you can admire her. You will call her if she does not appear for breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner…

Is it a curse that despite what I felt (pent-up emotions), that I can still separate myself from all of the things and started observing people more closely? I see married man who said that he did alot of things because she is sickly with incurable diseases (feeding her  bites of curry puff.. she has no hands to hold it herself?) ; I see a single man who said he cared about her more because she is sickly (do sickly person smoked like her?do you need to pass her the master bedroom because she has diahorrea?)

Ami, you were right to say that I could not let go. Why should I? I could not understand what is it about me that is inferior to her. 我不服气. I do not like him per se… I just can’t take it that I lost and have her make a mockery of me.

You see no problem? I will give you problems. I personally ensure that.

Posted in knnccb | 1 Comment

Investigation

Recently, I came to know an answer that solved whatever questions/mysteries that I had earlier and the story is logical and complete now (at least for my side).

Sleeping partner indeed (I am amazed by my spurt of brillance when it comes to labelling people sometimes)

In a brief snippet of conversation with HM1 (which was so coded at times that I barely kept up with the conversation when I was the one who started it)

HM1: Anyone more than friends in your life now?

Me: No. All friends are just friends.

HM1: I thought 6, 7 months after my XXX came here, you would have someone more than friends. I could see that then. I would not know anything after XXX has arrived. No one would tell me anything.

Me: No, I had figured whatever that I had earlier, I don’t have it anymore. You know… you had 1 other housemate and THE sleeping partner

HM1: Sleeping partner? you mean mine?

Me: No, his.

HM1: Sleeping partner does not really be sleeping together you know.

Me: So? There is nothing there anymore. Besides I hate liars.

HM1: Why do you say that?

Me: I ask someone something and if the answer does not tally with what I see/know, you are lying. Plain and simple.

I looked through old pictures and I saw tenderness in the way you look at her; I remember the callous attitude when you rejected taking pictures with me but would always put your arm around her, always trying to be close to her, tried to make her happy, laughed with her, joked with her, treated her like a queen. And all these were captured with my phone camera. Evidence do not lie.

You proclaimed that you care but underneath, I know the hurtful things that you said about me, especially the total biase-ness towards her, the disregard/disrespect that you have for me. Your justifications do not hold water and when I linked incidents, answers, clues, whatever you said collapsed.

Sleeping partner proclaimed a few months back that she had nothing going on with you. I do not believe that. She had deodrant (Do you honestly believe that I will accept that you used a roll-on instead of spray? I went shopping with you lot on several occasions. I know what YOU use), shower gel, essential oils, clothes/shorts (for sleeping over in the afternoon. yar right) at your place. You reserve a t-shirt for her for god’s sake (I remembered seeing that from HM1′s place)

It has been more than a year, 2 flats and lots of lies and cover-ups.

Thank you both for that.

Posted in knnccb, sad, sick, tired | Leave a comment

Be happy

The euphoria from the New Year has disintegrated into nothingness…

I suffered my first bout of anger/depression/sadness today. It is possibly my own fault definitely.

And I went back to my old habits of eating/non-eating/eating… although I am sleeping earlier now….

Must be happy again.

Posted in pensive | Leave a comment

Hello 2007

Dec 30 – I went to watch the movie Water at Vivocity (which I find too noisy and too crowded) which is about the widows of India. Brings to mind the ancient China.

New Year’s eve was spent with my university friends at my gf’s condo – not much as the very-drunkard party of Christmas eve but more of a chill-out session. Pretty cool.

New Year day/night was spent watching Kabul Express – a mostly English movie with some Hindi thrown here and there. Pretty funny especially the donkey, the cigs, the arguments… but with some sentimental touches. Compared to Night at the Museum (I like the Easter Island Statue) or Curse of the Golden Flower (the boobies galore), I really think that Kabul Express is a worth a watch.

Within these few days, I find myself more calm and collected. Bitterness and Anger are slowly going away. That is definitely a good thing.

On this final day of the holiday, I think I should stay at home and chill (despite how tempted I was by the various invitations to go out)

Happy New Year to one and all!

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

All the best to you and your loved ones!

Posted in love | Leave a comment

Too Little Too Late

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvXZvj9UObI]

Lyrics to Jojo Too Little Too Late

Ooh no

Come with me, stay the night
You say the words but boy it don’t feel right
What do you expect me to say (You know it’s just too little too late)
You take my hand, and you say you’ve changed
But boy you know your beggin don’t fool me
Because to you it’s just a game

So let me on down
Cause time has made me strong
I’m starting to move on
I’m gonna say this now
Your chance has come and gone
And you know

It’s just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can’t wait
Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it’s just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don’t like me
You just like the chase
To be real, it doesn’t matter anyway (You know it’s just too little too late)

I was young and in love
I gave you everything but it wasn’t enough
And now you wanna communicate
Go find someone else

In lettin you go, I’m lovin myself
You gotta problem
But don’t come askin me for help
Cause ya know

It’s just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can’t wait
Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it’s just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don’t like me
You just like the chase
To be real, it doesn’t matter anyway (You know it’s just too little too late)

I can love with all of my heart baby
I know I have so much to give (I have so much to give)
With a player like you, I don’t have a prayer
That’s the way to live, yeah oh

It’s just too little, too late
Yeah

It’s just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can’t wait
Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it’s just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don’t like me
You just like the chase
To be real, it doesn’t matter anyway (You know it’s just too little too late)

Posted in men, music, pensive, videos, youtube | Leave a comment

Irreplaceable

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFtICBASrpY]
Beyonce Irreplaceable

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that’s my stuff – Yes

If I bought it please don’t touch
And keep talking that mess, that’s fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It’s my mine name that is on that Jag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I’m such a fool – Talking about
How I’ll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he’ll be here in a minute – baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
And call up on that chick and see if she is home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn’t know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys hurry up before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I am such a fool – Talking about
How I’ll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he’ll be here in a minute – baby
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I will have another you by tomorrow
So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

So since I’m not your everything
How about I’ll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shead a tear for you
I won’t lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left

To the left
To the left

Don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he’ll be be here in a minute – baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he’ll be be here in a minute – baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

Posted in men, music, pensive, tired, videos, youtube | Leave a comment

Ignorance is bliss

I had a good talk with someone on Sunday night 10pm till Monday morning 3.30am. (Thank you for making me see sense.)

I had a uneventful Monday (other than talking for less than 4 sentences in office.)

My Tuesday was pretty laid-back. (Maybe it was the 10 hours of sleep)
My Wednesday was bad – just when I thought life was finally better, new problems rose at work. My “relative” decides to visit, and I did not eat anything and slept away my lunch-time. And I am ending the day by replying to someone who is telling that I am ignoring him. Are you finally feeling bad now? or you are still MF-ing me? I suspect the latter.

Posted in restless, sick, tired | Leave a comment